Milk of Magnesia

Woken by the street sweeper

My brain is barely working

My butthole started jerking

This poo was not a keeper

It demanded release

At 339 in the AM

Who knows if I’d have played’em

If my sleep did not suffer decrease


Wow, what a log

Honestly, I concerned.

It’s a big boss hog

Of junk food eaten and earned.

I amazed it came out

And that I’m not town and bloody

The size of an arm or there about

And the water looks quite muddy

Plus an army of little turds

Slowly join him in the bowl

Like Little minions he herds

from the depths out the hole.

Real talk

A moment of truth about the state of my bum

There’s been some tearing that’s got me quite glum

Anal fissures is the technical term

They hurt real bad making me squirm

There’s bleeding with the pain

That screams in my brain

And I hate that dread my daily poo

Because I love penning poems from me to you.

Anaheim Shits

Today, I shat

in a Jack-in-the-Box

The beef, cheese and bread selling place

Not the toy.

It was…stress

Those behind the counter

Controlled the lock.

Knees raised, grunting hard 

I fought for speed

Afraid the door would open.

Knock. Knock.

Frozen mid-wipe

I strained, tense.

The moment, fearfully eternal…passed.

I finished cleaning my nervous ass ass.


Spicy in!

Spicy out!

Pickled jalapenos burning both my holes!

I settled down

On the throne

And found I could not get it all out.

Backed up and full of fire

A terrible State of Affairs

Tomorrow, leafy greens

You Eat It

A pretty massive dump

Poured out from within

Peanut butter Hershey’s Syrup sandos for the win

And to get me past the hump

I eat them in the middle of the night

Followed by a glass of milk

Wonderfully delicious and smooth as fucking silk

They end my night just right.