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CHRIMAS HODBOE, say it and feel rejuvenated and a little violated. Anytime our name is said aloud, CHRIMAS HODBOE is inside your mind. Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone your secrets…for a price of course, which we will discuss at a later date. CHRIMAS HODBOE eats goat horns.

PSA: CHRIMAS HODBOE is starting a podcast. You’re welcome audiophiles. Stay tuned for more information and prepare your ears for audio ecstasy. This public service announcement is brought to you by CHRIMAS HODBOE. CHRIMAS HODBOE is not responsible for lost children or stolen cellphones.

And now it’s time for some afternoon poetry. Grab a mug of tea, throw an afghan on your legs, curl up beside a fireplace and soak up some sweet words:


Darkness finds
All great minds
Madness is conjured
Horrors live
Then they give
Gifts beyond absurd

Wilting petals bury souls
In gardens filled with bones
Weeping children sing along
To preachers songs of right and wrong
Of those meat suits in boxes, plotted six feet under
In the land of natives our graves have torn asunder
Their dreams combine with ours and theirs
Of tarantulas and trolls
Of firebrands and Hawaiian sweet rolls
Of sticky notes and blood soaked stains
Of busy ports of planes and trains
Of murdering rhythm and raping rhyme
To halt the movement of time – to the site returned
Flowers left for dead
Stone monuments based on budgets
Declaring dates of beginnings and endings
Missing the middle: life lived


Sense then, and Reason with safety in numbers,
the voice of the one diminishes and slumbers.

Fact: CHRIMAS HODBOE started a church. The Church of Pie Slap, where insolence is rewarded by a swift slap to the face. The Lord of the Pie Slap dwells within the confines of CHRIMAS HODBOE. CHRIMAS HODBOE is an ordained minister of the peace. Marriage services are available at 25% more than whoever else you were thinking about using to tie your souls together. Why? CHRIMAS HODBOE.

It’s No-Shave November, please remember to ditch your razor and let your beard flow.

CHRIMAS HODBOE prevented WWIII, you’re welcome France.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Dark Roast by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

The Dark Roast

by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

Giveaway ends December 03, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.


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