Happy T-Day

I hate the holidays. They fill me with despair towards others and a loathing for the culture of our society. My preferred method for dealing with this is to down a bunch of scotch and curl up in my bed to weather the storm. I’ve tried before to change my attitude about the holidays but have had only minimal success. I’ve faked it until I thought I would make it and I haven’t yet. A plastic smile plastered to my pie and a pretend feeling of jauntiness flowing from my hateful self has never made me feel better, especially when surrounded by jubilant lovers of holidays.

I’ve wanted to change, truly and wholly. I’ve wanted to love the holidays and gobble up the good cheer along with the grub, because in general I am a happy person. I won’t go into why I hate the holidays, I’ll save that for a therapist, but I’ll say that it’s been a battle for me my entire life. And this is the year that changes.

This may seem quite obvious to others, but I didn’t realize just how easy it is to feel happy regardless of any predispositions. It’s a choice, pure and simple. I do it all the time. Bad days at work, tons of traffic, a fight with a friend, the loss of an important item. When these things happen, I go through the normal emotional responses and after processing the event, I move on and choose to be happy. I just never tried to genuinely do it for the holidays. I’ve faked it, while still feeling bitter, which is choosing to remain bitter. It’s a hard reflection.

Luckily I have someone in my life that makes me feel good about myself and makes it even easier to choose to be happy. Whenever I hang out with her, I feel happy. So I decided to look at today as just another day that I’m going to be hanging out with Sierra. And when I approached it like that, it was easy. It’s just another day with the lovely girl and it happens to be Thanksgiving. So happy Thanksgiving everyone, genuinely from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for reading and I hope the rest of the holidays finds you in good spirits. And if they don’t…well you can also kick down your neighbor’s door and spit on his carpet.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Dark Roast by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

The Dark Roast

by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

Giveaway ends December 03, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

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Picture Time

Sometimes I don’t feel like writing. Sometimes I just feel like eating ice cream sandwiches until I pass out. Sometimes I have nothing worth saying and nothing worth showing. But sometimes, I take a picture that doesn’t say it all (because that would be cliché) but it catches a glimpse of what I’m feeling. And sometimes, I feel like sharing.

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This is what I see when I leave work. It makes me appreciate autumn. It makes me love where I live and where I work and where I play. It’s a beautiful finish to each day.

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My job has two locations. This is the view from the second. It’s what I see at the end of the day when I’m not on the water. It refreshes my computer screen strained eyes and fills me with a sense of warmth like good scotch in the belly.

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Ginger versus Ginger: Fight!

Sierra

This is my girlfriend, Sierra. She’s kind, caring, compassionate, smart, considerate and incredibly beautiful. And she has a mustache tattoo on her finger! What you know about a biscuit?

DSC03339And this is me, wearing an Everyday California hoodie at the beach just a couple of blocks from our office. What’s really cool is what you can’t see in this picture and that is that one of the owners is flying a drone with a GoPro mounted to it behind me. Yeah, we’re creeepin’ on ya, say something.

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One time, not at band camp, me and my girlfriend took Chris Hodson’s sandal that I swiped from him at work one day everywhere we went and documented it. Then I made this collage. You’re welcome CHRIMAS HODBOE.

This has been picture time with The Duke. Thank your for looking and stay tuned for more.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Dark Roast by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

The Dark Roast

by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

Giveaway ends December 03, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

LORD CHRIMAS

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CHRIMAS HODBOE, say it and feel rejuvenated and a little violated. Anytime our name is said aloud, CHRIMAS HODBOE is inside your mind. Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone your secrets…for a price of course, which we will discuss at a later date. CHRIMAS HODBOE eats goat horns.

PSA: CHRIMAS HODBOE is starting a podcast. You’re welcome audiophiles. Stay tuned for more information and prepare your ears for audio ecstasy. This public service announcement is brought to you by CHRIMAS HODBOE. CHRIMAS HODBOE is not responsible for lost children or stolen cellphones.

And now it’s time for some afternoon poetry. Grab a mug of tea, throw an afghan on your legs, curl up beside a fireplace and soak up some sweet words:

Darkness

Darkness finds
All great minds
Madness is conjured
Horrors live
Then they give
Gifts beyond absurd

Plots
Wilting petals bury souls
In gardens filled with bones
Weeping children sing along
To preachers songs of right and wrong
Of those meat suits in boxes, plotted six feet under
In the land of natives our graves have torn asunder
Their dreams combine with ours and theirs
Of tarantulas and trolls
Of firebrands and Hawaiian sweet rolls
Of sticky notes and blood soaked stains
Of busy ports of planes and trains
Of murdering rhythm and raping rhyme
To halt the movement of time – to the site returned
Flowers left for dead
Stone monuments based on budgets
Declaring dates of beginnings and endings
Missing the middle: life lived

Multitudes

Sense then, and Reason with safety in numbers,
the voice of the one diminishes and slumbers.

Fact: CHRIMAS HODBOE started a church. The Church of Pie Slap, where insolence is rewarded by a swift slap to the face. The Lord of the Pie Slap dwells within the confines of CHRIMAS HODBOE. CHRIMAS HODBOE is an ordained minister of the peace. Marriage services are available at 25% more than whoever else you were thinking about using to tie your souls together. Why? CHRIMAS HODBOE.

It’s No-Shave November, please remember to ditch your razor and let your beard flow.

CHRIMAS HODBOE prevented WWIII, you’re welcome France.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Dark Roast by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

The Dark Roast

by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

Giveaway ends December 03, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Happy Animals

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With CNN recently airing the documentary Blackfish, people are reexamining how they feel about animals in captivity and looking for better ways to interact with them. With San Diego being home to both Sea World and the 6th largest zoo in the world, tourists often choose these two attractions for animal interactions. While both of these tourist attractions contribute to conservation, animal rehabilitation and rescue, and environmental cleanup and protection, it cannot be ignored that they are businesses making a profit by keeping animals captive and away from their natural environments.

To be fair, The San Diego Zoo pioneered open-aired, cageless, enclosures mimicking natural habitats and their Safari Park, in San Pasqual Valley houses 1800 acres of free-range enclosures and the world’s largest veterinary hospital. And we owe much of what we know about Killer Whales to the research happening at Sea World. But all you have to do is look at the folded over dorsal fin of the captive Orcas to realize that no matter how much these businesses do to help animals, they’re still keeping them captive, like prisoners. How happy can a 6 ton whale be in tank no bigger than a football field?

And that’s what differentiates the company I work for, Everyday California, from zoos and Sea World. Our animals our happier, pure and simple. They’re in their natural habitat, which happens to be a Marine Protected Area. Only 2% of the world’s oceans are protected. This is amazing when you consider the fact that more than 70% of the world is covered by our oceans.  Sea Lions, Seals, Dolphins, Cormorants, Pelicans, Sea Gulls, and Humans all live in the same area. We interact with them as part of the natural co-mingling of species taking place in the La Jolla Ecological Preserve.  We swim and kayak among them without disrupting them or disturbing their habitat. The Sea Lions are so comfortable with us in their environment that they give birth here. This is the only place where they do so on the mainland. It’s a privilege to be able to guide people out among the wonderfully diverse sea life of La Jolla.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Dark Roast by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

The Dark Roast

by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

Giveaway ends December 03, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Well what do you know, it’s CHRIMAS HODBOE

CHRIMAS HODBOE is perturbed, which caused a 12.7 magnitude earthquake on Mars. Saturday, the powers that be attempted to separate CHRIMAS HODBOE. CHRIMAS HODBOE cannot be separated, only stretched. CHRIMAS HODBOE invented silly putty. You’re welcome children of the 1950’s.

CHRIMAS HODBOE did not create The Universe, he let’s God take care of his light work.

Remember, CHRIMAS HODBOE is two people—Thomas Jarboe, Christopher Hodson.
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Fact: CHRIMAS HODBOE rode on one skateboard at the same time.

Another Fact: CHRIMAS HODBOE doesn’t like it when people pronounce “crayons” as “crans”. It’s “CRAY-ONS”, get it right. Also, watch how you pronounce “peanuts”, you know who you are.

Better Fact: CHRIMAS HODBOE invented Snoop Dogg. You’re welcome gangsters.

CHRIMAS HODBOE deserves a cult. That being said, drink the kool-aid and tell your friends.

And now boys and girls, a noontime poem:

Fiend from the Wall

Seeing, sensing, suprising all
He stepped out from the wall.
Gathered round the fire place
All gave way before his space.
Spindly arms grained as wood
Shook and sought as if they should
Seek to grasp and find the one
Who stirred his fiendish heart and fun.
Frightened and Fearful
Stunned and Tearful
The party’s eyes were unbelieving
The devil’s looks so deceiving
His fiery orbs transfixed the girl
His spell, it sent her thoughts awhirl
And froze the rest
At his behest
Horrified they could but watch his hellish movement towards his treasure
Undulating wooden legs hobbling forward in ghastly measure
Six-fingered hands seized her then and dragged her to the wall
Where the surface dipped and swallowed them both before the eyes of all.

No-Shave November is upon us. Do your part and stow your razor. You can also check out my Movember page and donate to help men’s health:
http://mobro.co/dukejarboe

CHRIMAS HODBOE saved an entire alien species from extinction. You’re welcome mormons. And Scientologists.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Dark Roast by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

The Dark Roast

by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

Giveaway ends December 03, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Something Special

Say Yes
I saw this in the bookstore, yes an actual brick and mortar reseller of stories printed on paper and bound together with an “enticing” cover. It made me smile and it made me think, “I never would have seen this browsing on the internet.” Or at least it wouldn’t be likely, especially in today’s highly personalized and specifically targeted internet marketing.

Google learns from what you click and from where you go in the virtual expanse of the interwebs and it configures ads more likely to pique your interest based off your collective internet viewing experience.

Amazon does the same thing. So, Saying Yes to the Duke would never have popped up in my recommendations and since I do not read romance novels, I would never peruse that category’s offerings and would never have gained the smile it’s title produced.

I guess what I’m saying, is that the old ways still have value and offer means not yet attainable by the ever-evolving technosphere. Staring at a computer screen, scrolling down the infinite possibilities of the internet isn’t nearly as rewarding as walking through aisles of printed books with covers screaming at you, “Pick me! Pick me! Oh please, pick me.”

Oh, and you should definitely say yes to The Duke.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Dark Roast by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

The Dark Roast

by Thomas Uriah Jarboe

Giveaway ends December 03, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win